For the first time in years I actually had a decent nights sleep and slept 6 hours straight.Â
It was only because I had a dream where you came down here and took me away.
Have no idea how it happened but in the end I was sober and we got threw it all.
You even took care of me while I was sick and going threw withdrawal.
Didn't wanna wake up but when I did, I started to cry.
Because I knew it was only a dream and that this is surely the way I'm going to die.
Been doing this so damn long I've gotta use a gram of dope a day just so I don't get sick.
God don't you see that I can't do this anymore? And that this crap is killing me and I desperately want to quit.
Just keep fukin everything up in my life, it's always the same.
And I know that even god has got to be tired of hearing me complain.Â
If god always answers our prayers, then he must be telling me no.
So what am I supposed to do now? I can't deal with all of this all alone.
So sick of arguing.
So sick of fighting.
So sick of always being the one who gets blamed.
I already know it's my fault were broke and have nothing. I already feel helpless and completely ashamed.
After everything that happened I promised myself I'd never go back.
Of course I don't want to ever do that crap again, I've been hurt and traumatized enough.
But what the fuk am I to do when my dad yells at me every single day about money and just won't let up?
Dug myself in a hole so deep that now there's no way I'll ever be able to get outta this mess.
This is definitely not the way I imagined my life would ever be.
But there's just no way to escape this living hell that I can see.
Never meant to hurt you, never wanted it to come down to this.
It's apparent to me that everyone would be better off without me and I probably won't even be missed.
Continuing to ignore all the problems I've got, won't make them go away.
Don't think that I can take this one more day.
This stuff has to stop and there's obviously no other way.
Feel like I've been backed into a corner and I just don't know what the fuk to do now.
If I commit suicide am I destined for hell? Or can my soul be saved somehow?
