Comments : Life To Dust

  • 9 years ago

    by BlueJay

    Wow, your emotion in this piece is not only completely there but it's penned so well with such amazing descriptions. This is a wonderful write.

    I wake up inside tormenting dreams
    just to find another tattoo
    of you inside my memory.

    ^ THis is a stunning introduction, I love how you were able to get dreams and memories in the same stanza without being redundant or giving too much away right at the start of the piece.

    Your name upon my skin,
    as shivers run right through me-
    reliving your every touch.

    ^ I like how you said your name as in that is what the tattoo was referring to instead of a symbol or representation of something (the reader could take tattoo and run with it is all I am getting at so the first line being an elaboration on that is nice) I also really like how you said the shivers run right through you as if this person not only has a huge part of you and your life (as can be seen by the following line) but as if they are a ghost now - I don't know to me it's just a great description.

    I'm falling between the cracks of insanity,
    sinking down the drain of anxiety-
    where flashbacks drown my hope
    and your voice controls my fear.

    ^ This stanza has a great flow to it, it jumps out at the reader and it finishes explaining what this person and/or their absence are doing to you. I'd love to say more here, but this seems to be the heart of the piece as far as personal meaning goes and I'd hate to over step your work.

    And I continuously waken
    as the girl burning in her dreams.

    ^ I like how this is not only an image but it is so powerful for only being two lines.

    Innocence to ashes.

    Future to flames.

    Tormenting dreams to nightmares-

    crushing life into dust.

    ^ Writing your concluding lines as choppy little phrases worked very well for this write. I enjoyed how you gave the tone and the basis of the story's end without saying anything too much or making it anything less than universal in it's own way. Wonderfully penned.

  • 9 years ago

    by Hannah Lizette

    Even in your dreams, this person finds a way to torment you. They are tattooed inside your memory like a permanent reminder that they will always be there no matter how hard you try to forget them.

    Just hearing their name makes you relive every time they touched you, sends shivers down your spine as it is the last thing you want to remember.

    These memories/dreams are getting the best of you, making you feel like you are going insane. Anxiety is no stranger and the flashbacks come at you full force. The hope you had of moving on is crushed and the their voice is always in your head, controlling you and your fear.

    You always awake in your dreams as the burning girl. Your innocence is always burnt to ashes and your future is in flames.. dreams into nightmares.. and life into dust. Your life doesn't feel whole, like it is just dust particles scattered around trying to find a place to settle and call home.

    Your words always cut through me, Saffie. Stay strong. <3