Inside the Storm

by shadow   Dec 11, 2014


Empty soul -
Words washed away,
in a crowded ocean,
drowning in your good intentions.

Scared and alone,
I cry.
I mourn,
for something that never existed.

Bottled frustrations,
bubble to the surface,
rippling the water.

The tsunami begins.

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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by shadow

    Thank you :) My first attempt at a non-rhyme so my punctuation was a bit off. Appreciate the suggestions.

  • 9 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    I love how powerful your lines are, that you do more "showing" then "telling". It has a good rhythm to me and the idea of not simply witnessing the storm or watching it, but living in it... well, it's all a contemplative metaphor for these emotions that need a release.

    Just some suggestions about how to punctuate differently? Completely up to you though:

    "Empty soul -
    words washed away,
    in a crowded ocean,
    drowning in your good intentions.

    Scared and alone,
    I cry.
    I mourn,
    for something that never existed.

    Bottled frustrations
    bubble to the surface,
    rippling the water.

    The tsunami begins."

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