My Marathon

This is crushing me,
into a thousand tiny pieces.
I am being torn inside out.
Why can't you see this?

Nobody knows what secrets I keep.
My energy drains from the constant fight.
The hours tick by dreadfully slow,
as I wrestle with this pain tonight.

I can only imagine what it must be like
to not wake up utterly alone.
Knowing that I have a purpose,
and someone waits for me at home.

I've been searching for a reason,
to continue down this winding path.
I've been waiting for the moment,
when happiness will find me at last.

But I'm scared I will be stuck here forever,
always waiting
I am terrified of living an empty life,
always hating.

I am drowning in this self pity.
Choking on the memories of my past.
I know I cannot do this any longer.
How long will this suffering last?