Stars Will Fall part II

by Spectacle of Serenity   Dec 26, 2014


Stars in the dark sky
Together with them I cry
A year has gone by
And hopes had already fly

Life waiting in line
Thought it will be fine
Longing for you to be mine
Wasting all my time.

You were the star I stared from afar
To be with in front of the altar
Each day I put your glaring light on my wish jar
And kept it safe under this steel bar.

Now, tell me what should rule
A heart saying wait 'til this jar's full
Or mind sayin' stop coz you look like a fool
Either ways, I know, stars will eventually fall.

(I thought you're done. I thought I have waited enough. But, look, after I've seen you just for an hour here I am again writing another poetry.)

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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by Mello193

    I thought you're done. I thought I have waited enough. But, look, after I've seen you just for an hour here I am again writing another poetry.

    I highly recommend not putting back stories on pieces. Its not always been reviewed well here.

    Stars Will Fall

    I highly recommend not putting the title of it in the poem. It has its own place for titles.

    Stars in the dark sky
    Together with them I cry
    A year has gone by
    And hopes had already fly

    The rhyming was very off kilter here. I understand the visual you were portraying but the line and hopes had already fly makes no sense. punctuation would enhance this piece.

    Overall very sad compared to part one. Well written.

    • 9 years ago

      by Spectacle of Serenity

      Thank you for taking the time to read my poem and provide me constructive criticism.

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