I am not surprised either, and again, to be sharing with you these sentiments. As far as you're not using any irony element, this is a mixed emotions write.

To be damned, but to be blessed by such a damnation, the feeling of being uncertain in your opening stanza, confusion the want and should not, or should but want not, it's lost between! and it's very thrilling.

The mess, fuss, or traffic of thoughts, to be unable to let go of these thoughts or control certain memories, being attacked by plenty of them..sometimes they deprive you sleep! egh

this is really makes you think a lot, I appreciate this poem, and think you've done a great job expressing yourself with such beautiful and dark images.

Attack the night with a prayer hehe <3