Bitter

by Xx Grieving from the inside outxX   Jan 27, 2015


Bitter cold

Freezing snow

running through the empty trees

the pale moon glow follows me

running from a broken heart

trying hard to remember where to start

frantically running and tripping over my feet

it's really hard to find my path through all the snow an leaves

flashes of that night still haunt me

i never should have left you alone in the bitter cold

every drop of whiskey hitting the floor an the blade in your hand

if i knew what you had planned i never would have left you alone

every cut every tear you ended your pain the only way you though how

after getting that call all i could do is run into the tree

because there nothing left for me

in this bitter cold

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Latest Comments

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Christy - this is good and is getting better. In honesty, I would keep it exactly as you have it but still add the "bitter cold" at the end there just to bookend the piece.

    Excellent either way though,
    All the best

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Hello Christy.

    The imagery and the layout of this piece are excellent.
    In regards to the ending, I would agree entirely with Em's suggestion for two reasons: 1) I like the use of repetition in poetry like this (as long as it's not overused) as it enforces a point in the reader's mind. "Bitter cold" at the end leaves your point and what you are trying to convey as the lasting impression. And 2) because I think it would be a nice way to "sign off" the layout of the piece - the short, two word line would lend the poem a nice visual symmetry, as it were.

    Well done on this and I hope you are well (Remember, don't worry about Monday!)

    All the very best
    Ben

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    Hi this is really good so far..

    Maybe you could repeat 'bitter cold'
    Go on to explain why it haunts you? Is it a friendship ending? What happened on that fateful night?

    Hope that helps

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