Untitled poem

by Everlasting   Feb 13, 2015


I was a student roaming through thoughts,
always getting lost in the alleys of people's words,
Their sentences became cities I wanted to visit,
And I did, I visited these cities via my thoughts,

Though my thoughts were the feet that walked me through their cities,
And their cities were the ideas that captivated me with their beauty.
I was amazed at their grandeur, that I became a tourist to capture the monuments of their truths with my own hands, as if these hands held a camera, capable of capturing what others could not see.

But even then, I still could not make an album with the pictures that I took,
my pictures became collages, mixing one with the other, creating a whole new complete passage, or a whole new picture I should say, one that everyone could admire with their eyes, but one that wasn't real to the naked eye, nor one that anyone could touch with their hands, unless we all worked towards constructing it for ourselves.

February 2015

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  • 9 years ago

    by Meena Krish

    This is one of those poems which takes the reader into the world of the writer who has entered a world of her own! Something like reading a book and loosing oneself.

    There are some nice memorable lines in this which makes me admire your talent as well as your thoughts...enjoyed it!

  • 9 years ago

    by Larry Chamberlin

    Not that I usually disagree with Rania, but I think "via" captures the essence of the idea here. On the other hand, I think you could improve the work by restructuring the last two stanzas into four stanzas, bring the line lengths closer to equal and redoing the meter.
    Also, perhaps not so much repetition (thoughts, cities, picture, hand). Of course, you often deliberately use repetition, so you may be aiming at something here.

  • 9 years ago

    by Sunshine

    I love the feelings I get when a poem makes me murmur words of admiration to myself. I am starting to believe that the most personal poems are the strongest.

    There is always something magical and raw about poems that give you a sense of personalization, that makes you feel that the poet himself is a part.

    The other things I appreciated in this poem, was the phrasing, it was force-less, seemed like a piece of cake.

    As to the content, I and other could perhaps relate to your experience, if I shall call it so, it's touching infact, when you described peoples thoughts and words as cities, because they are indeed so..

    When we try to get into other people's minds and lifestyles and life theories, it is very simply for us to simply get different customs, different sign prints and stand completely lost and mixed with so many different new aspects that do look beautiful however rather like a beautiful chaos that needs to be lined up, either through your heard or your personality.

    In all cases, this is a very inspiring poem, I only advice you to let go of the word "via" it sounded very technical in that line, where the whole poem is one package of a classy art.

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