Comments : Construct a friend

  • 9 years ago

    by BlueJay

    You should have named it Build-a-Bear lol. Though your title was cute too. I am glad you saw it as me laughing with you because that was really REALLY fun lol. anyway, the flow here is great, I can hear you reading this one to me even before you actually do - awesome job getting your voice to shine through.

  • 9 years ago

    by Sunshine

    Oooohhh what do we have here, I wanted to nominate this poem for some reason, but that was before noticing Adreamer's comment! Then to figure that you two are one. very sweeet!!

    The reason I LOVED this poem, was the 1st half,

    We stand there in a storm of screaming chitlins and yelling parents.
    You losing sight of me whenever a stream of them would migrate by.
    After we put the feelings into the stuffed pockets of fabrics resembling organs.
    We had to insert them into their hosts and close them up.
    However, there was a catch.
    We had to do the heart dance (or whatever you call it)

    ^
    I really think your word choice here is perfect, and to read on your profile that you are not much into writing, is mind blowing! the wording and emotions and flow are very admirable in this part, I feel like somehow you did not maintain the same charm in the rest of the lines, the ones I did not copy here, maybe if you twist them a little bit, they are beautiful the way they are, just speaking of how valuable your 1st 3/4th of the poem is.

    I really think this deserved a nomination! Keep writing!