Comments : My lost Smile

  • 9 years ago

    by Tim

    You're really talented Bayan.

    I love the rhythm of the piece, the layout as well as the way you've presented the theme. All the things that make up a great piece are within this.

    You can really tell this wasn't a rushed or forced piece and was something you put a great deal of thought into as well as a little piece of yourself. :)

    5/5
    Keep Penning.

    • 9 years ago

      by Bayan

      Thanks alot Tim :))

  • 9 years ago

    by Fallengod667

    Not to be harsh, I don't feel you know what suffering is. If I'm wrong I apologize. Everyone knows sadness, it's true despair you should be concerned with.

  • 9 years ago

    by -Choke-On-MY-Halo-

    If you could take this poem's alignment out of centered, and to the left it would make this poem spectacular the poet's eyes just a suggestion, also I loved the first two lines it was kind of funny in a messed up way. Also loved the fact you made the poem into a couplet, it's easy to make and give a good punch if made correctly.

    Also you don't have to capitalize every single first letter of every line it's distracting, plus go back and correct some words are capitalized and they shouldn't be hon. Sorry I don't want to be rude but this is coming from me and I value honestly more. Either way nice poem and every person has a different meaning of sadness mine is grieving not unable to smile but nice read!

    -Moria Bella Bair-

    • 9 years ago

      by Bayan

      Thanks alot.. trust me I like it when someone advice me and tell me how to make something better it doesn't make ya harsh :)

      About The capitalize.. it's an old habit I used to write with so many capital letters in The same word Haha so sometimes I don't really feel that I wrote a capital letter or small one
      Thanks alot for ur words
      :)