I go to sleep with one eye open,
For the fiends that I have hidden in my closet.
The life I continue to live will lead to the transmutation of my soul.
I am only a human being for now.
I will forget.
If I continue to surf the wave of ignorance I will have to make closet space for myself.
I love my past.
I try not to neglect who I was, for it made me who I am.
I can at least have pride in that.
Or maybe not.
They take and take,
Break and break ,
Everything I worked to be until this day.
I thought I was weak back then.
Needed to become a man, and fast.
I ran from the things that were my foundation.
The pillars break, as the weight of the world is too much to bear.
I run.
From my family , from my friends, and from my past.
To gain what I believed to be strength.
I was wrong.
I am so weak now that I am light years away from reaching such aspiration.
Lost soul.
I try to run so fast for so long.
All out of breath.
I ran to this new life and it made me a mess.
My family will not know what to do with me when I return.
I will walk to my room and open that closet,
I will sleep in the dark,
I will let my demons consume my mind and produce the nightmares that I enjoy.
Let them run loose,
like water from a faucet.
I miss who I was,
I hate who I am.
My freedom is gone,
As I fight for a flag.
I didn't think servitude would kill my joy.
Mistakes were made.
I should have heeded the words of my family.
Miserable almost everyday,
I hate this life.
Suicide leaves me silent.
I want to be loud.
I want to deliver despair to those who drain my spirit.
All the time in this cage has made me so antisocial.
I wish I had her back so we could be hormonal.
Strangling my rooster for a reaction,
I play with her kitty for her satisfaction.
She drains the snake for venom.
Youth!
Temptation and passion.
I am still just a degenerate down to my core.
Just another monster at my closet door.
Before I could jerk I learned how to hate.
I learned about death from a clear eye view,
Mothers last words
"I love you"
Then she flew with the birds.
If I die today I'll have no wings,
Just the weight of the earth to drive me to hell.
If people can change I know I can try,
Look in the mirror.
Tell me a lie.
You say you'll be fine as your nose drips blood,
Pixie dust works as I stain my rug.
Party so hard.
Come home and cry.
As I battle the contemplation of suicide.
I drink like a fish until the lights go off.
As I sniff for sugar I think about grass.
I upgraded my doom way too fast.
I miss my life,
I can't even sleep,
The sugar is potent,
I bleed as I weep.
My tears taste like blood.
My old man said "Its not a good life to live".
He lived and he learned,
Now I learn as I live.
If I told him my story he would shake his head in rage.
Affliction caused by addiction.
In the closet.
No wife.
No kids.
I roll as I rock,
Like a rock rolling down hill.
I can't be tough,
My core is rare.
People get fake and lose their compassion.
I can relate, for my passion is dying.
Blood in my tears as I try to eat my fears.
I climb to the top just to drop.
I climb up the mountain of loose falling rocks.
No where to go,
Everywhere to hide.
As long as this flag weighs me down I will fear myself.
I wonder If I taste as rotten as I have imagined.
She left me alone.
I drink on my wheels.
That day was hard so I partied all night.
I was scared when she broke my heart.
I willingly fell off the cliff.
The powder and elixir broke my fall.
My nose was on fire as my liver screamed bloody murder.
Kill yourself slowly.
I was scared of myself.
Lock me in and throw away the key.
