I miss you like this is all I'll ever do. And I want to choose something else, opt out of this rocky road that keeps bruising my toes but my heart, my heart is too traveled on.
I need another road, God.
I shouldn't have set myself up again. Indulged in you then pulled away as I know we both had to do. It's almost 11 o'clock. We stayed for hours, laughing and smiling harder and brighter than I've done in front of anyone else for months.
I should've said no to coming tonight. Even in your house, oh God.
I should've said no to your offer to drive me home. The last time you picked me up, I was bleeding and angry, begging you not to betray me. You had dropped me off in front of my driveway after agreeing not to wake my parents up.
How can I say no to loving you? How can I stop shaking and shivering after you're gone, even though I have multiple layers on? Do you know - you can't possibly know.
But we haven't talked about what matters in so long. Between the music and organ sheets, we're not connected. I want to say so much but everytime I just stare into the light.
I thought you cared more. I want to give you my heart again, but I already gave too much last time.
