I really like the way you used chalk the way you disappear with the rain. It is like it was once a bright and happy picture, but by time those beautiful memories along with oneself are washed away. The only way to be seen is by someone who really cares.

Love it!!

Wow. The way you use chalk is awesome. Life is full of uncertainties, even so, you took chances and wrote the story of your life and was able to create a masterpiece. But the rain washed everything away in a jiffy. Everything that you have worked hard for was all gone. I love the usE of binoculars to say look closely. If we look closely to you, we will see that you're crying. That's really a good way of doing that, instead of just saying that you weep. Haha .. Maybe you want to keep the pain to yourself, or they couldn't see that you were crying because it was raining. Great job here (:

--- MKKK

I have just read and commented on 'Bet my Life' but this is even better! What can I say that is better than excellent? Your imagination and abstract imagery in this masterpiece (to use your own word), is stunning, and your poetic ability is developing exponentially to come up with some unique and sophisticated ways of describing what you want to say!

Write your life story in print, Saffie, and the best of your poems - have them published and they will never be rained on, except by the tears of your readers, and will never disappear! Tell people about how dogs saved you! Your story/poems could save the lives of countless others who are suffering, or have suffered similar experiences. I am very pleased to have you as a friend and to see your poetry developing in such ways. Proud of you!

I take this box of chalk
and begin to colour the pavements
with the story of my life.

^ wow this is a really lovely start and you have so much going on for you here.
The Chalk here seems to be a metaphor for something, and what I don't know exactly. It could be something that you wanted to share, it is a sad story that you wanted to brighten up. It is interesting to think about as the reader though. I also like how you said pavements and not sidewalks, because to me that makes more people be able to see your story.

A blank canvas to create a masterpiece,
and to perhaps connect myself to this biography.

^ I love how you continue to build up the story here. Here it seems like you are trying to let go of your story, and in that we all need a blank canvas. As artists we need an audience to understand or gratify our inner beast. I love how though you continue to pull the reader in and make them curious to see how the story ends. I know I am.

And when the streets are covered with my chalk,
and the rain begins to pour,
I will slowly disappear into a blur...

but if you get out your binoculars,
you might just be able to see my tears.

^ WOW what a powerful ending you have created here. I love this Saffie. It never seems like our work is complete and when we finish it always feels like it is not good enough for anyone to see, or just one person ruins it. I love the direction you went here though, and you say that even though we write our story it can be washed away in a flash, great write hun. 5/5