Miscarriage Memories

by Baby Rainbow   Jun 6, 2015


I know I lost her long ago,
but my memory is forgetting nothing
and the obsession of her missing shadow
only continues to grow.

I have visions inside visions
of how she could have been
one of the first flowers of winter,
but instead she became a splintered flower of spring.

She is a cold secret
that represents the lost courage I had,
and can never get back.

I can gift her life through time in my dreams,
where I experience the first illusion
of holding her safely in my arms
and promising her the world.

But the vacant moon
always awakens me to the reality
that I have since been trapped within;

the long lost search for something
that will always be known to the world

as nothing.

Saffie
24

31/5/15

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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by -Choke-On-MY-Halo-

    I wish this poem had been nominated and not just let aside to leave unnoticed because every single time I read this poem it always made me want to cry. It's painful to read because I wish I could've said I can relate but I can't since it wasn't me who had gone through this pain, it was the one I loved deeply who no longer is alive, she's the one who suffered so much and you penned this poem so beautifully Baby Rainbow.

    I didn't comment on it before because mind you I did see it and I couldn't finish the poem because it had me almost in tears and I just don't cry anymore, with that done I can say this poem slaps you with so much sadness that you can almost relate to the woman in this piece. Poor woman can't hold on to her daughter not anymore but she can treasure the memories that would've been and I can agree and feel the anguish that this woman has it is just impossible not to.

    Great, deep write!

    - Moria Bella Bair -

  • 9 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Yes, Linda says it all. This is heart-wrenchingly good.

  • 9 years ago

    by Linda

    I've read this like 3 or 4 different times today. Like every time I sit down at my computer, and I read it like five times every time I click on it.

    "[...]and the obsession of her missing shadow
    only continues to grow."

    Sock me in the gut, Saff. My goodness, there is nothing like loss. Whether it's the shadow of your small tummy or the shadow of a loved on in general following behind you, it feels like closure is almost impossible when you don't know how to let go. You can't let go.

    "She is a cold secret"

    This line stands out to me. Taking ownership of your pain and your lost one. Only you know. It's cold because nobody else has touched the subject. It's cold because you don't want to touch the subject.

    "I can gift her life through time in my dreams"

    I wish I could explain to you how I feel about this line. But I can't. I'm sitting here like tossing my hands in the air. This elicits the kind of reaction where someone reads it, and then they sit there for a second in silence, and marinate.

    Written so beautifully with so much sorrow.

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