First steps

I miss reading your poetry, but I think this one is especially raw with emotion. I hope you are doing well and if you need a hand getting back on your feet, you know where to find me.

But still everyone says
With their hateful little eyes
Oh look theirs the drag queen
As I roll on by.

^^ I hadn't noticed it first time round, but in this case, "their" should be there.

Yes I understand i'll never
Be a girl in your eyes,
But please stop crushing the dream I had
Since I first learned to cry.

^^

You have added the apostrophe, good, but the I needs to be capital lol. It is ALWAYS I'll, or I, or I'm, or I'd.... you get the point :)

I really like your new ending, I feel like it leaves a bigger impact now, because before when you just wrote " or be killed from you" I didn't get a great impact because I felt it was unrealistic to what you were trying to convey. However, this way, you are showing us that basically everyone you were close to is struggling with your change, and your question (And also biggest struggle in life) is that you have a choice of being yourself, and losing these people, or lying to yourself and the world just to please them.

Much better in my opinion.

Ok - first thing - you can usually get away with many grammar mistakes, but not this one:

Yes I understand ill never

- ill and I'll will always have to be clear because ill is a word and means something entirely different to "I will (I'll)" So please remember to always make this one correct, if any. :)

As for the poem itself - I think it is one of your best actually - honestly. I felt a lot of emotion from it, but I felt it was telling a story, pleading to people, but not just a rant, it had a very deep connection in it to your emotions and I felt that clearly when reading it.

I like the amount of honesty you have entered into this piece, and how you show not only what the world thinks of you, but how you think of you yourself, and what you want. If you have a dream, why can't the world just accept that and let you achieve it?

I must admit - I do like the poem, very much, especially your title choice of first steps because this is all new to you, however I do not like your added info in brackets, because I do think it is well written, and I get put off with titles or added notes that say the poem is not written well, because I just think "oh, ok, I will revisit it later then when they have fixed it." I do not think this is needed here as the poem is fine.

The only thing I do not like is the last line, I don't think it is as strong as it could be, and I don't think it fits in that well. It should also read "killed by you" not "killed from"

Maybe you could experiment with different last lines?

OR, if not, just change it to "by" but I do think you could come up with something stronger.

Enjoyed this, well done for getting this out.

What a heart-breaking, thoroughly honest write. "And bravery is the badge acquired when we get back up from a fall. " I love this line. Nothing wrong with how this is written either - brutally honest - keep doing what you do, and be proud of yourself - not least for some of your very powerful writing.

What a heart-breaking, thoroughly honest write. "And bravery is the badge acquired when we get back up from a fall. " I love this line. Nothing wrong with how this is written either - brutally honest - keep doing what you do, and be proud of yourself - not least for some of your very powerful writing.