Comments : My True Love

  • 9 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    WOW! There should be an ultra dark section for this one, lol! Saying that, this does the job and hits you square between the eyes. Excellent.

  • 9 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    Slice and dicing is to much fun

    - "slicing and dicing" would be better.
    - and it should be "so" much fun.

    I'll slice your face off before im done

    - I'm

    but first your toes and finger tips
    to hear the squeel beneath your lips

    -squeal

    and once you gasp and scream from pain
    your tongue will be the next victim in my game

    tracing my blade across your skin
    blood pouring out as you give in
    i start to contemplate my next move

    - I

    the next cut will have something to prove
    it will start below your pretty face
    as your heartbeat starts to lose pace.

    as i pack up and leave town

    -I

    my face is overcome by a dissatisfied frown
    with urges to attack again
    the question isnt who but when

    -isn't

    so while you sleep alone at night
    please think of me as you turn out your light.

    Few errors in grammar and punctuation which will help tidy the poem up if you fix them... please :)

    But this is a creepy dark write!! Lol

  • 9 years ago

    by cassie hughes

    Such a powerful and dark write which really packs a punch with it's vivid imagery. It's like a verbal trip around one of those dungeon museums. Creepy!