Abuse me

I walk alone
covering my arms
i hide my face
behind my messed up hair
walking slow
then faster
running in circles
not quite sure where to go
on my way
to a place i call hell
from a place
thats almost as bad
one is home
one is school
both are filled with pain
loneliness and abuse
my mind flashes back
to the days when going home
meant hugs and kisses
from my loving parents
to the days when going to school
meant seeing all my friends
and hearing about
how great things are
my heart sinks in my chest
as i realise i'm still here
in a world where nothings right
in a world of pain and torture
today going home
means bruises and screams
from my hate filled father
as my mother cowers in the corner
today going to school
means seeing all my friends
hide their scar covered arms
and wishing i was
anywhere with anyone
people tell me
i need to learn to feel
because i never
break my straight face
but they don't know
that i feel
pain, torment, loneliness, despair
everytime my father beats me
and says about me he doesn't care
i continue down the street
and run into my house
locking the bathroom door
and pulling out a blood stained knife
a tear runs down my face
as i cut deep and start to bleed
i fall backwards fast
slicing more and more and more
if you saw me now
you would understand why i used to hide
you would see the consequences
of my painful suicide