Comments : Silently she sleeps

  • 9 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Morning - well, its morning here :)

    Another gem I see before me...

    Silently she sleeps, with eyes wide open,
    her mind is undone from years of provoking.
    ^
    The opposing sleep with eyes open creating a restless sleep where the night is long and non-rejuvenating. A great start..

    When daylight breaks, her soul does too,
    for when you're lost, there's no one in you.
    ^
    "no one in you" The thought of being lost is deep enough, but here the anti is elevated with "there's no one in you" I read this to be a person missing an essential part of themselves, maybe a soul?

    Like fallen angels she haunts the earth,
    a dead-living thing since after birth.
    ^
    Dark indeed. Sounds like the land of Vampires. More than this though - without a soul, would not a person feel like they were "dead living"? At first I read after birth to mean placenta! lol

    But will they see her sleeping eyes!
    No, they want to believe her happy lies.
    ^
    Okay, a mask worn to hide the fear beneath - away from a cruel world who may not accept.

    She sleeps all day and wakes at night,
    seeking some form of maufactured delight.
    ^
    Superficial pats on the back. Spelling of "manufactured"
    Only, she isn't there, she's a star,
    performing an act, trying to hide her scars.
    ^
    Scars equate to hurt, physical or emotional. The emotional ones are worse for they cannot be seen.

    She bleeds oxygen when she's murdered with words,
    their judgement forms a noose-like cord.
    Slowly she suffocates,
    as she silently sleeps, protecting herself from further heart ache.
    ^
    Emotional hurt - words can cut deeper than any blade and the pain last forever.

    Dear angel wake up,
    drink of this life-giving cup.

    Stop living their lies!
    ^
    Turning this pain around, by realizing that by living life the way you choose and not the way others choose is the first step. The moment a person starts to do this they walk a different path and begin to live their life of truth where acceptance starts within, not without!

    Excellent and inspiring. I hope others see this.

    Take care,

    Michael

  • 9 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    "a dead living thing since after birth" - fantastic. Great piece, Hazel

  • 9 years ago

    by Naughtymouse

    There isn't anything I don't like about this piece, from word choice to flow to fomat it is flawless IMO, really, you convey the emotion and journey throughout wonderfully, it is inspiring.

    Wonderful write :)