El Ranch Cima (haibun)

I read this poem a couple of times, and I've been wanting to leave a comment. Turns out that the more I think about what to write, the more I invite commentor's block. Lol

Thus, before "commentators block" takes hold of me and of my attention, I just want to say that I like the comparison to "devil's backbone." It adds a touch of danger.

I actually like how your words painted a vivid image in my head. Plus they also allowed me to feel the adrenaline and the cold streams. By reading your poem, I felt that I was there, in that camp.

I am not sure what else to say, other than I truly enjoyed the read.

Sorry for this lame comment.

Firstly, this is a very interesting form of poetry. I saw that there was a contest for haibuns, and I actually knew nothing of them before now.

Secondly, I always appreciate what you are able to do with different poetic forms. You tend to work each form to its fullest extent and that makes reading your poems very enjoyable.

Now to this poem itself-

"...vales of pine forest and clear cold streams that feel like ice when the boys jump in."

The opening of this poem is beautifully descriptive, to the point that the closing of the first line sends a shiver through my body imagining the cold water.

"Leaders and youth each sleep in canvas tents, wood slat floors raised three inches over bare dirt."

Again, you do an excellent job of painting a scene here. With each line of the prose section of the poem, the picture of this camp becomes clearer and easier to visualize. As someone who greatly believes in writing poetry that a reader can project into an image in their mind, I am impressed with how you've crafted this camp- each word like a seam in the tent fabric, or tendrils of grass amidst the scouts.

"Fields of trodden grass
pathways to knowledge lead up
beneath trees that glow."

The haiku perfectly closes this poem- with the location set, you focus in on the experience of the camp itself- boys learning, bonding, and growing up.

An excellent write, Larry!