It's been four weeks, since we last did speak

by Dancing Rivers   Aug 13, 2015


It's been four weeks, since we last did speak
and you told me to go away, that I couldn't stay.
It's been three weeks, since I cowered so meek
on the lapa floor, trying to my pain ignore.

It's been two weeks, since I help did seek
and I worried I would feel so sorry.
It's been one week, since I left, so bleak
It's been six days, since my 19th birthday.

Still we have not spoken
and I'm left utterly broken.
I fall asleep each night hoping,
that your eyes would be opened.

I wish I could come back,
but I fear I cannot do that.
I'm free you see,
from all you did to me.

I'm free from the worry,
of being sent away in a lorry.
To the place I came from,
where I no longer belong.

Goodbye mother,
I hope I see you on the other
side of the sky so blue,
Where perhaps love will heal you.

�© , right now
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Latest Comments

  • 9 years ago

    by Baby Rainbow

    On the lapa floor, trying to my pain ignore.

    - I didn't feel this worked here, and think it would read much better if you had it as:

    trying to ignore my pain.

    This seems like a spit and post poem where you had all of this inside of you waiting to burst out, and you let it all go. It is clearly raw with emotion, and sad that the poem seems to be aimed at the one person who is meant to protect you and care for you, but yet in this case has caused a lot of pain.

    Powerful poem

  • 9 years ago

    by BlueJay

    I think you did very well in making your point and in conveying your pain, but your use of syntax (verb and noun misplaced) could be reworked to make the flow/rhyme scheme a little more smooth.