Refusing To Grieve

I believed that I was heartless
because I never let myself cry for you,
and punished myself for remembering you.

I often dreamt of starting all over again,
going right back to the start and walking away
from you on the very first day that we met;
erasing everything we had ever done,
vanishing every mistake of letting your love
sneak into my heart.

I thought it made me heartless,
but the truth is I refuse to believe
that this could happen to us,
that death could so quickly part us before our vows.

And so I deny your death,
try to forget your existence,
refusing to grieve for someone
I cannot live without.

Saffie
24

2/8/15