I'm Not the Girl

Im not the girl I use to be
So don't try to understand
Life has thrown me too many curve balls
None for which I had planned

Im not the girl who can simply smile
Because my head is filled with fear
Fear of tomorrow, next week
And of what might happen next year

I worry when they walk out the door
And I whisper a prayer that they return again
I cannot survive another loss
I cannot lose another friend

Ive lost people who weren't suppose to go
Without even a chance for good-bye
So when you tell me to smile and move on
Know that I'm giving my best to try

I'm not the girl who can just have fun
My mind is filled with sorrow
I'm thinking of everything that could go wrong
I worry today about tomorrow

Will I be strong enough to make it
Will it hurt to get out of bed
Will I have the courage to face the world
Or will I hide under the covers instead

Time heals all wounds they tell me
But in my experience that's a lie
This pain grows bigger everyday
I do what I can to get by

I'm not the girl who's sure any more
About life and what it all may mean
My brother died 5 days before his birthday
He never got to see nineteen

I'm not the girl who's making excuses
I'm only trying to comprehend
Life, it's problems, and how to deal
When will this nightmare end