Feelings Pt.3

This one still feels a little... too raw. So let's take this a step at a time - and totally feel free to disreguard anything I am about to say.

I remember the day
Someone made me feel again

^ Here you have a great hook, so nice job, intros are definitely one of your stronger skills.

She was my beloved
The one who carried my love and cast it aside
The dream we had, the dream in her eyes was nothing but a lie

^ Again, the continuation of the hook here mixed with a little bit of catch up info is great. Awesome job. However, your lines are a little long here which threw the flow off, I stumbled a bit unnecessarily. Remember how in the last one you shortened long lines if you could, or you sort of broke them up? That would be helpful here - if you're up for it.

No love deserves to die
No one deserves to rot
No. I'll sing the oath of rebellion
The anger within me will light my emotions

^ I feel like this on its own is a powerful stanza and a better place to break than mushing it all together with the following lines. And great use of pain from passion along side a very decisive penning of sparse punctuation.

My tears fall
My fears come out
My uncertainties flourish
All so I can use them
Use them against you who forced them onto me

^ I love the use of threes again and how you really ended this bit with the rebellion you mentioned earlier. Interesting loop, but nicely done.

I'll forge my tears, fears, uncertainties

^ Repetition can ruin a piece if not used strongly, but here, you did well. Which I find much more rare than it should be, so congrats. (NO offence to any other P&Qers, I just have weird taste! lol)

Into a blade that can cut the sky
Cut the heavens
Cut down the gods
That can cut my accursed fate to pieces
The anguished thoughts flowing through once more
Feeling anger run through the veins one last time
The final sigh escapes,
and my path leads me away once again
So the blade fades away with my tears, fears, uncertainties
To walk home and dream again

^ And here you have a very strong ending, your story telling skills are excellent. Your very out there descriptions are captivating and your imagery is beyond powerful.

I'm voting this a 4 because I have seen better technique from you, but all in all I love the concept and how beautifully you shared your anger with us.