Comments : Preparing To Shut Down

  • 9 years ago

    by DarkLight

    What a nice poem you have written.

    You can cuddle me from the biggest distance,
    I would still feel the comfort and safety of your touch.

    .
    The openning sentence was attractive, kept me wanting to know what next.

    The sunshine in your eyes
    makes every morning bright and hopeful,
    and for that I am grateful...
    but I must apologise in advance for my heart
    and the ways it will soon hurt you.

    You went ahead to paint a picture to the reader of the features of this person you write of,
    how you feel about it.
    which really added to the openning making it a piece by itself

    It is too scared of the road ahead,
    scared of believing promises
    that the past has proven
    to be too good to be true,
    too out of reach for me.

    Your heart is scared of what is expected, really turns the reader to another route, For in the lines before, you had described this person as the best but here the twist dawns on me giving the title a meaning now.

    My heart is shutting down
    because it's not prepared
    to watch you leave -
    and deep down
    it knows you will.

    After all that i sure have the information of why you not prepared for what is to come.
    Great write.
    I enjoyed. the flow is good and the use of words is super upper.
    I love it.
    That's how i understood it.
    Hope i got the message.

  • 9 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    I love the approaching doom that the very layout suggests in this piece - it just descends and spirals further into bleakness.
    Excellent