Gone until I feel

Family cries
when I take drugs and fly
I cry, when I don't
how frustrating
how amusing
to be refusing
what I love
instead of losing
those I love
cause they're disapproving
of those stupid things
they say, drugs make you sick!
so i'm removing
every trace of doubt
just to say out loud
that I love you all
but i'm making a fall
not being able to call
the friends I've laughed the most with
so i'm banging my head
against the wall
the past is gone
and so is I
until that I cry
to feel the moments
that I miss the most.