What struck out to me in this poem is the subtle, casual rhyming. It's not overdone or forced, in fact it helps the poem read smoothly. I also found it interesting that you barely had any punctuation, which obviously is up to the writer, and I felt it worked here. I know sometimes in writes it's hard without punctuation to follow the train of thought but I did that just fine here.

I felt the yearning and frustration and your screaming in this poem. So good job in sharing your voice. I'm sorry if you're going through this and can't possibly understand the situation but you really give the reader a reflection into what it's like. Especially these lines:

"I cry, when I don't
how frustrating
how amusing
to be refusing
what I love
instead of losing
those I love"

- The cries, the struggle of addiction, of recovery, of living another way, of loving versus losing. It all raises such heartbreaking questions.

"the past is gone
and so is I"

- Grammar: "I" should be "am"?

Welcome to PnQ, of course, and hope you like it in Moonlight Muses. Keep writing!