The Game of Hearts (Edited)

by Mr. Darcy   Sep 14, 2015


The nine of heart held his head in his hands
Why was he a nine? He couldn't understand.
Green eyes viewed the King's Royal place;
beside the Queen, so fair and pretty of face.

He should've been pleased with his humble life,
Instead of wishing, that she was his wife.
Oh how he loved her, her image so fair;
Her hand wrapped in his, a feeling so rare.

He would love to shuffle up in the pack,
right next to her - to where she is sat?
Help was needed for his dream to play out
...to win her kiss, those lips, that pout.

So he told the ten of hearts his plan
Told him clearly so he'd understand
Will you help me please, help me Gary
to reach the girl I wish to marry?

Well the ten of hearts scoffed and held his sides
He laughed so much his eyes nearly cried.
Help you, he said, to marry the Queen -
rather, I should help you awake from this dream!"

The nine of hearts sobbed and made himself soggy,
Then a tap on his arm revealed a coffee.
He sniffed and looked through his red teary eyes,
The eight of hearts stood there, what a surprise!

She told him to drink up and he'd feel better,
If he shared his wish by writing a letter.
So with the eight's help he poured out his soul,
Expressing how love really ought to be whole.

The eight had a secret, for she knew the Queen
Her love for the King was like strawberries and cream
But she could not tell him, this man with a wish,
For she wanted his pain to simply vanish.

So together they worked on every word,
Making it perfect, this letter could work.
Read it back to me, he said to the eight,
I need to hear if it sounds like a fake:

The eight cleared her throat and started to speak,
The words caressed him like creamy white peaks,
He knew that his heart sounded like music
How could any lady, the Queen refuse it?

The only thing left, she said a bit muffled,
Is to mix up the deck, give it a shuffle
That way she'll get it, eventually,
Read of your love so, ardently

The nine felt a pang as this was revealed
He'd failed to realise the big heavy deal
His place in the deck, taken for granted
Would shuffling now be to his advantage

Had he been daft, a little long sighted -
To miss before him a card who delighted?
The only card that offered assistance -
The eight, beside him gave no resistance.

He saw in her eyes her tears of sadness
Realised that his scheme, was indeed madness...
She stepped towards him, she hadn't a clue
then noticed at once that he had tears too...

Her love for him, as true as the sky
She'd sacrifice her love just to satisfy
His every wish, was her wish to face...
to reveal her feelings a certain disgrace.

A rainbow arched across the blue -
Then he knew at once his real mews:
His full hearted neighbour - the eight all along!
She was the rhythm, the beat to his song!

It is said, that love works in mysterious ways
And that labour is light where love doth pay
His love was misplaced, he knew at last
As he kissed his new life, his Eight of hearts.

M. Moran
14.9.15

*thank you to Ben Pickard a.k.a The King of Hearts for his help with this poem*

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  • 9 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Okay Michael, aside from this being and absolutely brilliant piece (and one I can't believe I haven't read) I will give you, as asked, my "help/opinion" on the flow that you think is off. Excuse the crude way it is done, but I'll just run through the bits that stood out from a rhythmic point of view.

    I think the first two stanzas are superb, nothing wrong with the flow there.
    In stanza three, it starts brilliantly (I love the idea of the 9 "shuffling up" in the pack - a brilliant play on words.
    "Help was needed for his dream to play out
    help to win her kiss, those lips that pout". - this stumbles a bit for me. Perhaps drop the kiss? "Help to win those lips, that pout" - not sure, but there seems to be a couple too many syllables there, in my opinion. Maybe you disagree?
    "So he told the ten of hearts of his plan" - perhaps leave the "of" out? For me, that too would flow a little neater.
    Stanza 4 flows fine to me - and you just scrape the nearly rhyme with "need" and "marry" - but it works. Personally, I love making use of almost rhyming words sometimes as it shows a willingness to discard pure rhyme for quality, which can be lost in rhyming poetry sometimes.
    Stanza 5 is great until the last two lines - again, for me anyway. Those two just don't quite flow or rhyme enough in a poem that rhymes and flows so well up to this point. A
    suggestion: "Help you, he said, to marry the Queen - rather, I should help you awake from this dream!" - something like that anyway.

    Love stanza 6 - the flow, the introduction of a "female card" who is offering help when those above him - the higher and mightier - would not. One starts to suspect here.

    Again, 7 and 8 flow well and we now know she cares enough for the nine that she wants his pain to "vanish" (love the strawberries and cream bit, by the way).

    9 and 10, reading through, are superb - I love the last couplet in stanza 10 - they flow beautifully.

    11 is excellent, but the last couplet in 12 I tripped a bit on. Maybe "Would shuffling now be to his advantage" - its one of those where really you need half a syllable!

    Michael, stanza 13 is superb and maybe my favourite - the revelation of a growing respect/romance for the 8 of hearts and delivered with lovely vocabulary: "To miss before him a card who delighted" - wonderful.

    love 14 - maybe in 15 "Her love for him, as true as the sky" would roll a little better than "truer than the sky"?

    I love 16 but "he knew instantaneously" seems a little long? What about "He knew at once?"
    Scrub the above. This is how I would write it: A rainbow arched across the blue -
    Then he knew at once his real mews:
    His full hearted neighbour - the eight all along!
    She was the rhythm, the beat to his song!

    Mind you, I do love an exclamation mark!!!

    The last stanza (17 I think) is brilliant and finishes what truly is a wonderful piece and God only knows how this didn't earn you another WIN badge!

    Michael? Michael? oh....you're asleep.

    All the best then,
    Ben

  • 9 years ago

    by Dagmar Wilson

    Sometimes in life we so blinded that we can't see what is in front of us. Enjoyed reading and great job.

  • 9 years ago

    by Ingrid

    What a good story, Michael!
    We are often blind to what is in front of us, and when we are lucky, we find out before it is too late.
    Well done, you are so good at this!

    5/5 Ingrid ((hugs))

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