A walk down memory lane.
Bitter sweet memories of warm kisses and your strong arms keeping me safe.
The taste of salty tears on my lips, my uneven breathing, I remember it all too well.
You're scent lingers on me,
I can still smell it on my hoodie from that night under the stars
I know I hurt you, and as tears continue to flow like a river into the ocean,
My heart breaks for the millionth time.
So many nights I have longed to be by your side,
Hoping you could help me fight off my nightmares.
Every night is a new challenge, a new nightmare,
And the struggle gets worse.
The taste of your lips on mine, your warm hand in mine,
Your soft whisper in my ear telling me how special I am to you.
Choking back a sob more memories hit me like a brick wall.
Walking down the halls laughing.
Kissing you for the first time and it being better than I ever imagined
You have always meant so much to me.
I scold myself for being the screw up I am,
I ruined everything.
Laughing at your jokes during intimate moments,
Falling in love with you all over again every hour of every day.
You're so precious to me.
I never wanted to hurt you.
The tears and the pain back in December when we were fighting.
Watching you walk to your car, counting your footsteps.
Crying like a puppy dog for its owner as you left me standing face against the glass missing you already.
Life had been so hard for us.
We had always made it through one way or another.
But can we make it through this time?
Can you forgive me this time?
You're words echo through my head, reminding me how true they are.
"You're reckless"
"You deserve worse than that but that's all I'm saying."
More tears escape and run down my cheeks and I break down into sobs.
The memories come on full fledge now.
Jokes in the back room.
You comforting me about my past.
Me crying in the back after I watched a video my sister made after I tried to kill myself
Climbing up into the catwalks and looking down at the stage with you.
Smiling.
Laughing.
Happy.
Then that night under the stars.
Running up to you and hugging you so damn tight.
It felt so good to be in your arms again.
"Babe..."
"Don't call me that"
Another sob escapes and I drown it in my pillow.
Walking hand in hand with you to the field, laying out the blanket and sitting on opposite side facing each other.
"I don't know if I can ever trust you again"
More tears as more pain ripples through my chest, almost unbearable.
Laying under the stars, my head on your chest, listening to your racing heartbeat.
"You don't care about me."
I collapse I to sobs.
This is too much.
"Get rid of anything and everything that reminds you of me."
I'd have to kill myself.
As my sobs settle down, I take a deep breath.
We were so in love.
I remember it all too well.
