Comments : Call

  • 9 years ago

    by Poet on the Piano

    This reads like song lyrics to me. Soft, deep, smooth. Straight from the soul.

    Love the simple stanzas that hold so much.

    Two things though: "breathe" should be "breath" in the third stanza.

    In the last stanza, re-read the last line. It doesn't make sense read? Should it be: "can I still hear you?"

    Haunting write. That call that turns distant. You can hear this love, feel it close yet it's still a distance and you want that connection once more. That vulnerability of your soul being scratched, for this someone to open their soul to you now. But you're left waiting.

    Keep writing and welcome to PnQ as well.

    • 9 years ago

      by NOOR

      Thanks all the feedback from you. Very kind of you. I will fix the poem asap. My mother tongue is Finnish so there must be plenty of mistakes I make all the time. But yes, you're so right. I die to get any response from him. I just heard his calling when I was sleeping and something makes me try to reach him back. I just afraid it is too late and he has met someone else. I told him to forget all about years back because I thought he deserves much better than me. I never forgot him..

  • 9 years ago

    by IBRAHIM DWIDAR

    Neither him Noor. Never he did. Your calls were enough to bang his dreams every night and day even while he is awake.