Jealous

by Poetically Vivid   Nov 2, 2015


Seeing you with her made me lash out in rage, I could never get to you like a bird in a cage. You left me for her? After all I done? You've got some nerve just like a kid playing Russian roulette with a fully loaded gun. Holding her hand, kissing her almost made me shed a tear but then I had to remember I was the one to fear. If you love her so much prove it, would you die for her? Better yet would she die for you? I don't know why I asked you as if you have a clue. I hated seeing you together so you should die together, it's not gonna make me feel happy but I'll feel better. How sweet, a bubble bath between the two, how nice to see the both of you stuck like glue. A quiet entrance before you take your leave, you think I'll miss you well looks can be deceived . You love is what I thought I was in need of but when I dropped the radio into the water I felt a spark between us.

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  • 9 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Haha - loved the end of this - brilliant. The rhyming throughout this piece is very good, too.
    My only suggestion would be to break the poem into more palatable segments or stanzas, but that's just personal taste.
    Also, "after all I've done" would keep the rhyme with "gun" but make grammatical sense.
    I love that line, though - likening his nerve to a kid's playing Russian roulette "with a fully loaded gun".
    Well done and all the very best,
    Ben