My Death in Words (Sonnet)

Hello,

a Sonnet, a wonderful and challenging form.

I really like the dark torment you write of, like the mid section:

Madness overcomes, dark trees are jeering
feasting continues, I'm losing control
heart is wavering, a slow burning coal
fools of lesser hearts are always peering.
^
Many of your poems depict trees in a positive way, but here they are demonic and play to your fears.

another section I liked was the couplet:

Breathing becomes labored, need to baptize
absolve this deathly born sonnet displayed.
^
Finishing with a conscious need to be done with this dark, taunting 'Sonnet' world.

Having written a Sonnet recently, they are tough with a capital 'T' Perhaps the hardest is the part you have done so well. The mystery at the beginning, the dark imagery throughout and then the reveal of the escape at the end. It was almost like the writing of the Sonnet was the dark battle itself.

The only advice would be for future Sonnets is the need to concentrate on writing in 'iambic pentameter' It is tricky at first, but I will take a line from your sonnet and rework it as an example:

Your line:
fools of lesser hearts are always peering

My line:
hearts of lesser fools, peering all the while.
^
I realise the meaning may be lost somewhat, but the metric beat, the da, dum, da, dum gives the Sonnet the sing song quality.

I hope I have helped even a little.

Well done, on this Sonnet, it really has wonderful language and deep, dark imagery that I appreciated.

Well done.

Michael

Ah!

Just the last sentence and all the lines could have been 10 syllables ( lol, that is if I counted correctly)

"absolve this deathly, sonnet displayed." << I counted 9.

This piece has a haunting atmosphere. Plus, I don't know why but I like how this line sounds:

"Madness overcomes, dark trees are jeering"

I enjoyed the read. Sorry for this lame comment.

Dang, you wrote that fast! Love love love it.

"fools of lesser hearts are always peering." - woah!

And your pen becoming the blade, that was striking.

Awesome sonnet!