I have now read this one too! And I must say, I really am impressed with these. They are really original pieces that are a great story (I am gripped) and I can see from your footnotes that they were published as one complete piece?
I love the third stanza - its imagery is wonderful. You really have created some great visuals with these first two pieces I've read.
The last stanza too is excellent - very clever.
I look forward to reading part three soon and hope others read these as they are excellent.
All the very best,
Ben

Darren, what more cam I say other then you write beautifully. It's so smooth and as I said before makes it more enjoyable to read.

Not ready to win he rammed his fingers into his throat
hoping to point to the place in his mind that caused indecision
yet all he achieved was sickness
^^
I love this stanza it's so sombre and dark but rings out in really vivid imagery.

Em