Plagued By Poison

How do you describe
an addictive release
that makes you become unlovable?

I have no bravery
when I'm lonely in my room,
plagued by the poison of the past,
and I just need to make it through the night.

The blood takes away the pain like a drug,
as you feel relief growing through your veins.

You become stuck in a trap,
a dangerous zone of hating yourself so much,
and everyone who loves you only wants
the old you back,
so you convince yourself that this can never be,
and that those you love
would be better off without you.

And how do you explain the scars
buried beneath your skin,
from leaving messages on your arms,
when no one ever understands you,
and they already label you.

How do you describe
that you feel so insecure,
that making yourself unlovable
becomes an addictive defence,
because you are scared
that no one will love you any way.

Saffie
24

5/11/15