Once upon a time, a twice weekly acquaintance became a friend;
young, lovely, bubbly, intelligent, this friend was great fun to be with.
Over time the friend became a closer friend,
and was seen on most days, as close friends are!
As close friends do, there would be lunches, coffees, walking, dog things and sometimes shopping, with lots of chatting and laughter - and sometimes sad, distressing, but hopefully meaningful conversations about aspects of our lives.
We met up most days of the week.
Everything was great and if either of us was away, or not available, then on our return, we just picked up from where we left off, as friends do!
Then, after one time away, everything changed!
Suddenly, while away, the close friend picked up with someone else,
Going everywhere and doing everything with them!
It was pretty obvious that things had changed when avoidance set in; with a minimum of eye contact, touch, chat and laughter; all of that reserved for the new friend!
Feeling hurt and let down, I did what my protection instinct dictated, and withdrew.
After all, why would anyone chase after a friend who no longer wished to be a friend, and couldn't or wouldn't tell you why, or explain their reasons for such sudden change face to face?
Soon after, while travelling to London, I did try to re-establish our friendship by message, and although awkward, that seemed to work, but nothing actually changed on my return.
That someone else was still the focus of all attention, they had taken over completely, and when we did see each other, the other friend was always there and we just couldn't speak in the same way as before!
Now, I still try to maintain contact by message, or like, or comment,
but we don't see each other except in places where we both have to be.
The friend responds to a message, but never makes first contact.
Direct face to face communication is awkward, with 'day to day' pleasantries being restrained.
I promised that I would be there for this friend, at times when life got bad and help was needed, and I still stand by that promise, if needed, even though it is now unlikely that I would ever know, be included, or asked! The new friend has taken over all roles.
I feel that I am blamed for the changes in our friendship,
and in terms of my withdrawal and silence, this is true.
But my perception of what happened, and
why it is as it is now, is obviously different from my friend...
...because inside me, nothing has changed...
...outside, silence on both our parts has killed everything off...
