Lol. I love the title hun! :P

This is a nicely condensed version of the other poem which gives off a similar air from a different perspective of sorts, and I like that. Also the simplicity kept you from making the same form mistakes I already sorta yelled at you for (What can I say, I fell like I'm your big sis when it comes to writing! :P )

Anyway, great flow. Beautiful structure. Amazing word choice. One of your best writes so far!