Frozen Heart

by -Choke-On-MY-Halo-   Dec 2, 2015


Let me tell you a story about a young maiden who used to adore love... then her heart turned icy cold...

-Flashback 4 years ago-

"Moria, I will always love you babe. In the nights I'll love your body and in the days I'll love your personality and your kind loving heart." She whispered softly against her ears.

"Ash you tease! You know I'll always be your wife, and a legal paper means nothing since you claimed my heart a very long time ago. If it's in the nights that you'll please my body then so be it, all I want from you is your love that comes from deep within." Moria said smiling stroking Ash's fine silver hair.

They held one another for a long time before they let go of one another.

"Let's go home Ash." Holding hands they took a stroll finding a place only for them.

-End of Flashback-

"Ash I miss you." Tears fell from Moria as she held a picture of them together to her chest as she mourned.

Every day was a struggle for her, not only had she lost Ash, she had also lost Athena. Oh how Athena had tried to help, but she had placed the nails deeper in her dead heart by departing from this world as well.

-Flashback 3 years ago-

"Ash is gone my love, come on hold my hand, I'll try to ease your heart Moria, I promise I'll love you like Ash did. Come into my arms so you can mourn till you can't anymore." Opening her arms Athena held a brokenhearted Moria.

"Why did she do this to me Athena? I knew she was broken and I loved her anyways. Her shattered heart I tried to piece together even as it cut into my skin, she was worth the pain." Moria said painfully.

Soothing her heart, although she hid the pain the words Moria had said for she hurt as well seeing the one she loved cry and become another that was a faded shade of who she lived for.

"Moria no matter in life or in death both me and Ash will love you till we can't anymore." Athena uttered before she kissed her wounds away for a while.

- End of Flashback-

"They lied, both of them lied." Moria's words could barely be heart. A year after another year she had with them both before they took their lives. A couple of years she had the love that bloomed in Spring...till Winder came and killed it all.

"Only two shall enter my heart and stay there forever." She vowed in tears as she cut a small line so that her blood poured a bit into the floor so that her vow would be held in place.

"Make my heart numb, so that no one enters here" she placed a hand to her chest.

Then the vow had been done. The very next day she had lost all her humanity and people noticed that the kind hearted girl was gone from this world like the ones that had claimed tombstones on her soul. There was nothing left of the girl who dreamt of a home filled with daughters laughing at how their parents cuddled in the sofa totally in love; or them bringing smiles to anyone near. Gone forever was her smiles and love; all that stayed was icy eyes that chilled you to the bone in an effort to prevent anyone to get close.

...and on a cold winter night her voice will echo "They were loved."

As she visits their graves year after year.

* I used the names I have used throughout the time I've been here on PQ

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Latest Comments

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    Moira,

    This is a quite surprising piece by you and very enjoyable. I really enjoyed the use of text and flashbacks, very original.

    Take care, Em

  • 8 years ago

    by Saerelune

    This structure is something new from you, which left me a bit hesitant of diving in as it seemed long with a lot of casual conversation. But I think your set-up kept me going. The flashback of 4 years ago, followed by the end of it; then by my surprise you kind of went into the future while simultaneously going into the past, now 3 years ago. Little things like these make the reader want to read on, as it sets up an expectation of the story yet with unknown directions.

    That being said, my curiosity kept me reading but I think I would've enjoyed this write more if you showed the pain more rather than bluntly writing down the dialogues. I understand that this is part of the structure you had in mind, but a little imagery here and there would spice things up a bit.

    "she had placed the nails deeper in her dead heart"
    ^ This line, for example, was refreshing for me to read because it truly expressed Moria's emotions rather than her simply saying she was hurt.

    "Her shattered heart I tried to piece together even as it cut into my skin, she was worth the pain."
    ^ Another line that sparked my interest. You did mix up some casual every-day speech in it ("she was worth the pain") but I think it added up nicely with the abstract image you painted before saying that. I think it's all just a matter of balance, I'm not telling you to get rid of this dialogue-language all together, just to mix it up a bit with other means of expression.

    Besides those lines I pointed out, your choice for the name Athena interested me because near the end I was compelled by the tone of your story. It felt very archaic due to its sacrificial nature and the introduction of seasons. I thought it fitted very nicely as the ending seemed to become more dramatic, reflecting the depressed and hopeless state of the persona. I think the inclusion of coldness and winter made it easier for you to paint the feelings, it's emotive.

    Keep writing,

    Saerelune

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