I learned to alphabetically name animals in my head,
just to pass the time away,
until it was time for him to take me home.
Another tick of God's clock,
more seconds beneath their heavy bodies,
moving fast and slow,
and you have to pretend you want it
if you want to make it through the night alive.
Safety in numbers came in my head,
as I repeatedly counted to 28,
Gran's birthday - my favourite number.
And in the morning,
I am meant to be grateful that I'm alive,
even though I am so cold
and drastically missing home my home,
his home,
any home,
any other home but this.
And in my head I drift away,
convincing myself that I'm never coming back
to this reality...
and I never once returned
through all of those years,
not once.
It is only now that I realise
I have crashed back down to Earth
and landed inside a pile of Dark Hope,
