Night doves

by Sherry Caayupan   Jan 8, 2016


Crawling in the wreckage of one love's loss,
minutes seemed decades;
black crows croon in silence,
lonely souls embrace under the crimson moon;
underneath the plain pedestal,
taunted hearts stand in blind mystery;
unknown riddles casted upon,
an embezzle in heart's spindle;
the craving existence in ungodly hour,
concealed revelations preying in pestilence;
false perceptions cloud dark entities,
a deceitful lie that burrows...

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  • 8 years ago

    by -Choke-On-MY-Halo-

    I would suggest you add commas, periods, and semicolons since it would make the poem stand out more and the reader wouldn't have to think where to pause and when not to.

    The imagery was very nice and it portrayed a story that you could see very nicely with or without closing one's eyes for this particular poem.

    taunted hearts stand in blind mystery
    ^
    I always loved a dark story involving dark hearts since they tend to be bend and break in time. What I loved about this one is that I've never seen it written this way or any way at all and it makes me happy to see that dark poems can and will change than what they tend to copy one another.

    Wonderful poem and sorry I haven't really commented on anyone's poems lately I do apologize but I did send a massive email to all my poets in my club, anyways lovely poem and have a lovely day.

    - Moria Bella Bair

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