Comments : Best Before..

  • 9 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Hello Meme.

    A really good piece here with some great lines littered throughout.

    "I mistook a shelf life for a lifetime"

    "....I missed the base note of bitterness...."

    Two examples and I love the alliteration in that second one.

    A sad poem ultimately. Too often we see - or want to see - much more in a partner than they are able to offer (or want to).

    My only suggestion is "I stretched my hand far higher" or "I stretched my hand higher" as I think to write "I stretched my hand far more higher" is grammatically wrong. Just a suggestion and either way, this is a wonderful piece,

    All the best and I hope you are well,
    Ben

  • 9 years ago

    by PETER EDWARDS

    A sad poem Meme of lost love, when one thinks ones Love is being returned in the same committed way as you are giving it, but only later, one finds out that the Love you thought you were receiving back was shallow and something very different indeed with a 'goodbye' being said..
    Heartbreaking I know.
    A great write Meme. Loved the truth in your words.

    • 9 years ago

      by Meme

      Thank you gentlemen for your comments, much appreciated!

      And Ben, thank you for the suggestions, I did struggle with that line. :)

  • 9 years ago

    by Maple Tree

    LOVE the expiration date ending...

    In the past I always ignored the expiration date and just kept eating... ugh!

    Love your poetry my sweet!

    • 9 years ago

      by Meme

      Thank you hon.
      You would be surprised to know how many things in life have an expiration date, we just fail to see it sometimes when we are indulged in its fake euphoria.

  • 9 years ago

    by Yatubeera Resty

    The conclusion stanza fully says it all......
    How we lose our minds surly, lovely piece Meme

  • 9 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Wonderful portrayal of lost love with some brilliant lines
    You were a craving I never knew I had
    I mistook a shelf life for a life time
    the base note of bitterness
    the likes of you came with a n expiration date. Really strong powerful imagery

  • 8 years ago

    by Em

    This is absolutely stunning and speaks is much to me.

    1: Sometimes all we can do is reach out and take our pick in love especially if we feel it so strongly from within us.

    2: I really loved this because it shows that not only did you feel strongly for him but you could love coming from him too which is a really lovely thing.. Because you saw from him you were meant to be together.

    3: Beautiful imagery of his words engulfing you.
    Words mean so much but actions do speak louder.

    4: Then here we have it, the turn in the relationship where things turn sour and go horribly downhill, which is the story of my life. Lol

    5: This ending is so powerful. It hurts when we give our everything to be met with nothing.

    Great write, take care,
    Em

    • 8 years ago

      by Meme

      Thank you for the comment :)

  • 8 years ago

    by gumshuda

    wonderful! beautiful!

  • 4 years ago

    by Boy

    beautiful words