Special needs son

I miss you, altho I know you're not dead.
Pictures of your disability are stuck in my head.
You can't walk and you can't talk,
But you are not a laughing stock.
I love you, my actions may not speak truths.
Mommy is not strong enough or smart enough to take care of you.
The worst part is you're so far away,
I can't just glance over and see your smiling face.
I keep telling myself you're in a better place,
But shouldn't with your mother be the best place.
I'm sorry for putting you in a nursing home,
But there is more help there please stay strong.
I'd love to give you hugs and kisses right now
And listen to your laughing sounds.
Forgive me my sweet special boy,
The thought of you always bring me joy.
Until mama is strong enough to bring you home
Be strong.
<3