That One Lazy day

by Gillyanna   Feb 9, 2016


I feel lost without my pills at night I hurt for them at times I lie.
but I'm still trying to stay alive.
Nights get longer then days just seem to fade away.
I feel lost.
there is no way for me to stay.
One day I won't come back
don't cry just look up into the sky
And remember that day I came to stay
Oh how I remember that lazy day
oh how I wish things would change that day I made up my mind I didn't want to stay but before I fly I always wanted to say
There was a time of day I didn't feel lost that was when I was next to you.
That day I remember you didn't want me to stay so I had to fly away.

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  • 8 years ago

    by Milly Hayward

    Seeing past the punctuation it was an emotional beautiful poem

  • 8 years ago

    by -Choke-On-MY-Halo-

    I feel lost without my pills at night(,) I hurt for them at times(;) I lie(,)
    but I'm still trying to stay alive.
    Nights get longer(,) then days just seem to fade away.
    (T)here is no way for me to stay
    One day I won't come back(,)
    don't cry just look up into the sky(,)
    (a)nd remember that day I came to stay.

    want to stay (,) but before I fly I always wanted to say

    Alright I improved your poem with () where they needed to be helped in, in my honest opinion please don't be mad. The poem was quite good for a beginning poet like yourself and of course there were errors, but we all start that way so don't worry about it at all, the format of the poem doesn't really seem like a poem but that's me being bias considering I've been in PQ for a long time and the style changes so I apologize! The subject of the poem was very understandable and relatable to some and I hope this doesn't come from real life cause it's a hard existence if you do have this!

    Beautiful and welcome to the club again! :)

    - Moria Bella Bair

  • 8 years ago

    by -Choke-On-MY-Halo-

    I'll come back and comment again I'm sorry I'm pressed for time btw welcome to the club! :) you can always talk to me, btw I like the poem but it needs a little help here and there but I'll help you later on.

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