Sounds like you have a heavy heart here. Thank you for sharing this.

Few suggestions:

"I wish i just stop thinking"

- Re-read? Maybe re-word to "I wish I could just stop thinking".

"Whether it'd me my grades"

- "me" should be "be"

Also, capitalize your "i"s unless that was intentional??

Don't know if you've ever heard of Brene Brown (an author/public speaker). I just started one of her books and something in this poem sparked me to look up a quote. She wrote, "Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others."

I think also when we let our expectations rule and control us, we are letting our happiness be determined by others. By circumstances. Find peace within yourself first. Make that peace. I think other people will always disappoint if you let them affect you that much. Yes, it hurts sometimes. And though I don't know your situation, no one deserves to be lied to. Don't lie to yourself. Know what you're worth. There are true people out there who will help lift you up and as imperfect as we all are, I believe our goal is to all lift each other up.

Keep writing and take care!

Hello Alan,

I'm sure many would read this and whole-heartedly agree with the sentiment. Friends, love, life, etc can regularly disappoint us, but we even more regularly disappoint ourselves! But, having said all that, if we give up, then what is the point?
Writing like this certainly relieves us and is a good place to start.
All the best,
Ben