For Trish

First I'd like to say what a magical piece this I'd very smooth to read.

The title is fitting because this is a about your new found love or even reminiscing about an old love.

When we are alone

we play hide and seek

with the stars all night.
^^
I like this opening stanza because the stars can possess so much beauty as I believe your new love has.

But when our souls are separated

the stars vanished from the sky

and awake we lay all night.
^^
This stanza stands out to e because as you are apart the stars to away. They go away from each of you yet fully disappear and I feel that your worlds are far apart which keeps you awake because you are lonely without her.

Sometimes words become tears,

weeping turns into a language

and our souls start to talk.
^^
Our emotions can get the better of us when we are 'in love' can't they? Many a night I've wept because my heart aches being alone from my love lol.

Sometimes we stand in the freezing rain

and kissing in the middle of a busy street,

yet listening to silence only us remain...
^^
The times we are with our love, only they matter and although in a busy street you can feel like it's just the two of you. Bliss.

These moments will happen

when True Love presses its face

against lover and beloved,

when its breathe into your heart

and into mine,

mingling our lives beyond parting,

forever...
^^
This is a wonderful ending because love can do many things and when you share it with someone who feels the same then it is truly beautiful.

Take care and all the best, Em

Hello Koan,

I have always appreciated the way you format your work. It makes it so accessible and user friendly. It allows for thought between the lines to allow the intended meaning to sink in, to be absorbed.

Anyway to the poem...

The title came across as a dedication to its namesake. I am guilty sometimes of being too obscure with my titles. Often the best way is the most direct route - your title is the latter and works very well...

When we are alone

we play hide and seek

with the stars all night.

^ the concept of playing a game with heavenly bodies is cool. It could also be trying to steal time away from prying eyes too. A good metaphor if this is the case.

But when our souls are separated

the stars vanished from the sky

and awake we lay all night.
^
I like how you express the trauma of being apart by the fact the stars vanish from the sky. Such is the affect that the stars disappear. The last line brings to my mind a vivid image; an image of two people wide awake, in separate parts of the world (I imagine) another country perhaps...

Sometimes words become tears,

weeping turns into a language

and our souls start to talk.
^
I can relate to this. When emotions become so raw, so immediate that words become superfluous and tears are all that remains.

Sometimes we stand in the freezing rain

and kissing in the middle of a busy street,

yet listening to silence only us remain...
^
This is exciting - I recall dancing and kissing a girl in a crowded room and for a while being only with her, she and I and our love was all there was despite the packed room. These moments are special and woven into our memories.

These moments will happen

when True Love presses its face

against lover and beloved,

when its breathe into your heart
^
This statement is true - love is when two feel the same intensity towards one another.
BTW - You may have a typo? You may want the line to be this: when it breathes into your heart.

and into mine,

mingling our lives beyond parting,

forever...
^

A marriage is the permanent bonding of two into one. The word 'mingling' defines this well, a merger so complete that two is now one for ever more.

Well done Koan (Alfred) and best of luck to you both.

Michael

Hello Alfred

Can I take it Trish is the reason for your new found happiness? It sounds like it.
This is an interesting piece, not least from the structural point of view. I love the subtle and sparse use of rhyme throughout and the gaps left between the lines; it gives the poem a 'lighter' and more delicate feel, if that makes sense....
Anyway, great write and all the best.
Ben