I feel the pain
dragging me into the
Darkness
suffocating me,
drowning me,
Alive
pulling me under
grasping for air
to fill my empty lungs
but just coming up
empty handed
Struggling
but no one seeing.
My scars are old,
healed over
but the pain remains,
haven't opened them in
Awhile now,
but the want is there
Every day.
Sometimes I wonder
why I'm still
Holding on,
why I don't
pick up that blade
and feel my
Relief,
release this pain
but then I know,
if I start
I may never get the
Courage
again to stop
and I remember
what it took to start there,
and I can't;
I'm afraid if I had to
start there again, and
I started to drown
I wouldn't fight, I would
Surrender,
let the pain wash over me,
let me,
Die
with it, and I wouldn't
Care.
It is then I truly understand
Addiction,
it may not control you anymore,
but it is still there,
something goes
Wrong
and it is the
First
thing that pops into your head
begging, pleading
for you to always come back,
telling you, it is your only
Freedom,
that nothing will make you,
Feel,
the way it does.
And to some extent, it is
Right,
some of that is bad,
but most of that is
Good,
nothing should make you that,
Miserable.
Nothing.
But it still
sits there,
at the edge of my mind,
inserting itself,
daily into my life.
That little voice
that brings tears
and frustration,
and loneliness,
and although I haven't
Listened
to it in so long,
I can't help but wonder,
if it will
Ever,
Really,
Go away...
