You are gone

by Brenda   Apr 28, 2016


This house is deathly quiet
since you left,
the slamming of
the door
has caused my heart
to flat-line
I'm not so sure
it will ever start
back up again-
not so sure
I really want it to-
still don't know
what caused your anger,
not sure if it's been
on a slow burn
or lit up
with accelerants-
aiding our relationship
into some spectacular
funeral pyre
the bed we shared
still in smoking embers-
I wander the rooms
chasing ghosts
of what once
was us...

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Latest Comments

  • 8 years ago

    by GB

    Hi Brenda,

    Your words are melancholic but very vivid and deeply moving. I recognized that you used the "period" only at the end of the poem, did you want for the verses to sound coherent? You did this greatly.

    Thank you for sharing, and thank you as well for visiting my page :)

    • 8 years ago

      by Brenda

      Hello! Thank you so much for your kind words. I was going for the coherent flow while writing this-thank you for noticing that. Relationships can end peacefully or epically explosive- I think even with good intentions they tend to get out of hand and not so nice. You are so welcome about visiting your page-I like your writes-take care-Brenda

  • 8 years ago

    by Ben Pickard

    Brenda,

    This is an excellent, visual piece of writing with some great lines littered throughout.

    "...the slamming of the door has caused my heart to flat-line.."

    "...the bed we share still smoking in embers"

    ^^

    Just two of them.

    Well done on this piece,
    Ben

    • 8 years ago

      by Brenda

      Ben, Thank you so much! I'm really glad you enjoyed this write as much as I enjoyed writing it. As I said to Michael, I was channeling my crash & burn moments. Hope all is well in your world-take care-Brenda

  • 8 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hello Brenda,

    Thus poem had me gripped from the first few lines - I think it must have been the 'slamming of the door'?

    We all know what that sounds and feels like. The brief whistle stop version of the lead up told in such an imaginative way really showed me the intensity that was present.

    My favourite part: 'not sure if it's been
    on a slow burn
    or lit up
    with accelerants-
    aiding our relationship
    into some spectacular
    funeral pyre...'

    The theme continues with the metaphor and ethereal imagery of a deceased, or seriously ill relationship.

    Well done - a smashing piece.

    Take care,

    Michael

    • 8 years ago

      by Brenda

      Michael, thank you so much! I really appreciate your thoughtful read on my poem. I tried to channel every crash and burn relationship with all the pain and hurt that goes into it. Thank you again! Take care-Brenda

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