Comments : Endless summer

  • 8 years ago

    by Mr. Darcy

    Hello Brenda,

    I seek forgiveness from the start here. I have read this poem and I couldn't help myself and tweak it here and there. These are just suggestions which to my mind add necessary pause for greater impact of your thoughts.

    The poem is beautiful and a real dedication to the one love that we all hope to have in our lives. The poem reminds us that feeling young and in love can happen at any time. This special feeling should be cherished and celebrated, but most of all shared. Thank you Brenda for sharing this with me.

    My suggestions below...

    Title - Forever summer

    We may be in
    the fall of our lives,
    but my love
    when I'm with you
    I feel like...

    it's a new spring day-
    so many firsts,
    each day bringing
    so much promise,
    like a new sunrise...

    I love the time
    we spend together,
    it's like I get to
    fall in love with you
    over and over again.

    We often joke about
    "winter is coming"
    but each day with you
    is like an endless
    Indian summer;
    calm, warm, and beautiful...

    ^
    As I said, just a few tweaks here and there, but really, it stands as a great poem without any changes too.

    Take care,

    Michael

    • 8 years ago

      by Brenda

      Thank you Michael, I took your suggestions and edited as such.