This is a wonderful piece of work that you simply can't help nodding along to in agreement as you read.
"I love you"
you say,
so easily
so easily
^^
I love these first few lines. The repetition of 'so easily' leaves the reader in little doubt of your own mistrust of the those words; I could almost hear your mind's cogs working and you shaking your head after hearing them - 'so easily' could well be 'too easily' here.
not one ounce
of fear on your tongue,
no sign of commitment
either
^^
When we are truly in love, those words 'I love you' and all the weight they carry do not simply roll off the tongue. There has to be a little fear with commitment - it cannot be gone into as lightly as this person seems to be going into it. The doubt heightens.
"I love you"
you say..
so fast,
so easily
^^
I love the repetition of this again, but here you use a very subtle (but very clever) change with the line "so fast". Here I can imagine a man (or woman!) spluttering out these words in haste in their desperation to make them sound believable.
but love is never abstract,
love takes guts
love is many things
but never easy
never soft
never as light
as it sounds in your voice
^^
And finally, we have your own damning assessment of this person's declaration of love for you. It shouldn't be this easy - it should come with a certain amount of caution and fear, and should never be 'abstract' (Love that)
Yakari, I am already out of votes, but I hope this gets the nomination it deserves.
Take care and all the best
Ben
8 years ago
by Em
Yakari, I love this piece it's so truthful and I feel very personal for you.
"I love you"
you say,
so easily
so easily
^^
Fantastic opening line. The repetition is great because nobody should say those 3 little words so easily, so hastily even. It's like they are said in desperation too.
not one ounce
of fear on your tongue,
no sign of commitment
either
^^
Here, it shows the person has said it in haste even possibly to make the other person feel better about themselves, the relationship but when it's done this way it only deflates us more.
"I love you"
you say..
so fast,
so easily
^^
Ahh, the bitter sweetness of those words coming so fast and probably to early as well, makes it unbelievable.
but love is never abstract,
love takes guts
love is many things
but never easy
never soft
never as light
as it sounds in your voice
^^
Too right love isn't simple nor is it easy. Yes, people can fall in love at first sight (my mum and dad did) then things change and others (like my aunt) can stay together for years and years.