There is a screaming ache
bursting in my chest.
I'm withdrawing.
I can't numb you away
no matter how hard I try.
And drugs will make it worse
because you're the best high I've ever had.
They told me at NA,
once you find your heroine
you lose yourself
you give up everything for it.
I'm so homesick.
The sad thing about a drug is that it never misses you back.
My heart aches for you here, so much that I can't describe?
I don't personally have anyone close to me who struggles with addiction... and I know there are many types of addiction, some physical others addiction to gambling or shopping, etc. My heart breaks when I hear of someone struggling with addiction. No matter what it is, it can destroy someone's life and I know how much shame and stigma there is still associated with it. I wish people could see more of the person than just assume that nothing can be done. I believe there is help and hope for everyone, no matter what.
I guess to some extent one could say I got very close to being consumed by an addiction. In the last year, I realized that smoking had started to become addictive to me as an alt. coping mechanism to my main way of coping - self-harm (which I know can be debated as whether or not it was an addiction or a choice, etc but for the longest time I thought there was no real true recovery from it, more so I found out it's an everyday choice, recovery is a slow but possible thing). Also, when I was in the hospital I met a mother who was in rehab for withdrawal from heroin. She was pregnant at the time I met her and that was her decision to get back in the hospital. I never met a stronger woman. She literally went through hell in the few days I saw or the brief moments I passed her in the lounge area.
I know my experience is nothing like yours but I want you to know how much people believe in you. Recovery from anything, especially with that kind of withdrawal, is so tough but you are so worth it.
I know I haven't gone through what you have and we all have different stories but I want to send you some virtual hope and hugs if possible.