Let the darkness in

Today I don't want to move, I want to stay in bed. The dark circles under my eyes, and the throbbing in my head. Not sleeping is not a wise choice, but I didn't want to face my dreams. They seem to be darker, scarier, reminders of the past. Instead I drank away the night, then just lay down in bed. Crying until early morning, I can't do this any more. Watching the shadows of the fire, dancing on the floor. I have to stop cutting, bleeding, it's leaving your heart sore.
I'm sorry I have disappointed, but I can't stay like this any more. the darkness it surrounds me, is clouding in my head. When I close my eyes at night, there's nothing left to be said. I thought I could control the way I feel, but I'm so depressed. We knew it was going to be hard, every little step. Today I just want to lay down dead in an eternal rest. Every day is a struggle between myself and I. Eventually someone will win, and the thing I'm afraid of most, is letting the darkness in.