Comments : Hidden

  • 8 years ago

    by ether

    I really, really like the content of this - the meaning created with such few words is one I resonate with personally. I have been doing an increased amount of meditation (internal thinking) and often come up with no answers.

    There are a few execution problems here:
    Apart from every word being capitalised which really throws me (however I can't really judge you on that because I write in only lowercase, thus is my style). However "Forgotten" has been misspelled, and you really need a comma between "Afraid, Forgotten" at the very minimum. Comma's could be utilised in a couple of other places in this piece to improve the flow - but I have a feeling you've intentionally left out punctuation for some reason.

    Anyway I enjoy the content, just fix the minor errors :) 4/5

    • 4 years ago

      by Kota the Unheard

      Thanks for showing me where I misspelled and didn't add commas. And in regards to the capitalization there is meaning behind it. That's the main reason why the title of this poem is "Hidden". This poem has 2 meanings. 1) the main poem which for me was to mean "trying to find a way out of the darkness that consumes me". 2) the capitalized letters. If you take each capitalized letter going down it spells out " I WANT TO FADE AWAY" which was has two meanings in my opinion. On being "If I just end all of it then I would no longer deal with the pain" or "If I can fade into the darkness then maybe going through the hell I would be able to find a way out."

  • 8 years ago

    by Heather

    Simple. And unique. Never a waste. Totally and completely you.

  • 7 years ago

    by Em

    This resonates so much with me

  • 7 years ago

    by IdTakeABulletForYou

    A masterful write of an epic meaning in few words. To me, it's an existential piece of the mystery and intrigue that comes along with the very existence of the fabric of life. We are born alone, we live alone, and we die alone. We are surrounded by other individuals, and let others into our presence, but we are as unknowing about the great darkness beyond our existence as when we are born. To me, "yielding" is the perfect way to end the poem. A strong message of not allowing your fate, but slowly understanding that it will come regardless of permission.

    Really made me think with 5 small lines, I enjoyed that.
    Thanks for writing, please write more!

    IdTakeABulletForYou